General Update Log No. 18: End-Of-Year Edition

Verfasst am 30. Dezember 2024

Another year coming to an end... Hopefully 2024 has been treating you guys well enough. In my case, it was definitely quite eventful, even if you might not be able to tell from my activity. So let me walk you through the things that have (or haven’t) happened, and what my plans for 2025 are.

Things actually started off pretty strong, what with me releasing the update to my Sokoban clone in early February! If you haven’t checked it out yet, I’d wholeheartedly recommend that you do so, if only for all the secrets and easter eggs I’ve crammed into it.

Unfortunately, I must have given it 110% for a little too long, since, shortly after releasing the aforementioned update, I started getting sick a lot. At the worst of it, I ended up out of commission for a couple days at a time every other week, usually on or around the weekends. It was quite the problem for my job, too, since I was missing for so many days. I tried a few different things, like changing my diet or exercise regimen, or even taking antihistamines, but what ultimately helped me get back on track again ended up being daily multivitamin supplements, of all things.

Even to this day, though, my health is kind of a tightrope walk. Granted, it seems to be getting more manageable, but I still need to be careful not to overwork myself, which is easier said than done because I can tunnel-vision so hard that I completely lose sight of my physical and mental needs.

Sickness aside, work on the website relaunch began in earnest in late March this year... and is still ongoing, despite my initial prediction that it’d only take me a few months to complete. Turns out it’s so much more complex than I could’ve ever anticipated, and while there’s little that’s left to do before I can get started on reconstructing the blog, I expect that the blog is going to be a major undertaking unto itself. It’ll probably take me at least another few months.

Also doesn’t help that I’ve had a lot of overall downtime (such as from June to early September, and there was hardly any progress made from mid-October to late December, either), without which a go-live within 2024 might just have been in the cards, but oh well. I have recently (as in, roughly a week ago) started to challenge myself to get at least a little bit of progress done each day, though, even if it’s just two minutes. Hopefully that’ll help get things back on track again... and it does look promising so far, so fingers crossed!

A major highlight of the year was — as acknowledged in the previous blog post — the fact that the 500 million bounty for chain of lucidity was claimed at last, and that, in turn, seems to have snowballed into the genesis of a small but devoted Mukai fandom, which I couldn’t be happier about. Shoutouts to Sins, Errhed, ALePH_D, and PressEtoAscend for being effectively the ambassadors of that one game I made six years ago that’s still waiting for its sequel. Once again, thank you so much for your support, as well as your saintlike patience with the glacial pace of my creative output!

Said small fandom also made me realize another aspect of my brand: my coverage of retro games that have strong emotional significance to me. It was brought to my attention that I have a very personal, passionate, informative, and I suppose humorous way of presenting these games, as exhibited by my gaming blog, my Full Playthroughs series on YouTube (for which I’ve managed to make four new videos this year!), or even the occasional streams for longer-form games, in which I could interact with my watchers directly — or, as was more often the case, have them interact with each other while I was deep in concentration with whatever game I was playing at the time.

What I’m trying to say is that this is something I hope to be able to continue doing, going forward, not least of all because I’ve been told it’s comfort material (and, I mean... even I like rewatching these videos from time to time). Time will tell how I’ll be able to get them slotted into my schedule, but I likely won’t be able to put them out on a regular basis anytime soon.

Getting back on track, here’s a quick rundown of the other major happenings this year:

  • A trip to Mallorca with the entire company in late May/early June
  • Me getting sick with a middle-ear infection in both ears for all of July
  • Said prolonged sickness wrecking my mental health to the point where, in September, I finally caved and made use of the services of the therapist employed by my company
  • Completing a 30-day sketching challenge without missing a single day (even if I ended up not drawing anything else since then)
  • A stream for the 6th anniversary of the Mukai Project (which also had me nursing the first hangover of my life the morning after, and it was nasty), and...
  • Rearranging the furniture in my bedroom in November, resulting in me making enough room to set up a gaming corner

Other than that, though... well, I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t composed a single track this entire year. I’m hoping that’ll change next year, since I’ve still got an album to finish — it and the website relaunch are the only things still in the way of me starting development on the second Mukai game... which I feel like I really owe to you guys at this point. Unfortunately, perfection can’t be rushed, and neither can “good enough”, especially when you’re suffering from crippling perfectionism the way I am.

That also means that my plans for 2025 haven’t really changed from my plans for this year: Get the website done, then the album, then start development on the game, sprinkling in playthrough videos here and there to maintain at least some semblance of output. My biggest problem is still my lack of efficiency, and this year in particular I’ve felt especially limited by my mental reserves; managing all of this alongside a full-time job still isn’t easy, but this is gonna be my life for at least the next 30-40 years, so I might as well figure out how to make it work for me without constantly burning out in the process.

And with that said, I wish you guys a happy new year. See you back on the road in 2025!

General Update Log No. 17

Verfasst am 30. Juni 2024

Hey, remember when I said last December that “you’ll be hearing from me no later than late January”? Well, guess I was about half a year off on that prediction, then. But in my defense, this year so far has been kicking my ass, and the summer heat that’s been robbing me of the energy to do much of anything is only the tip of the iceberg.

In any case, let’s go through things one at a time, since, despite that, a lot has happened this year so far.

First things first, I’m making the (very late) announcement that, as of 4 April 2024, the 500-million-point bounty on chain of lucidity was finally claimed! Congratulations to Sins, who is now the lucky owner of one of the only 25 physical copies of COL in existence! It was quite interesting, seeing various people over the years express intent in – and even put some effort towards – achieving this kind of milestone, and all I can say to that is: Thank you all for still enjoying my game, even almost six full years after its release. I see all of you, and your enthusiasm and fascination mean the world to me.

You may also recall me talking about my Sokoban clone. Well, in a rare case of me being able to (more or less) meet a deadline I set for myself, I did actually get the update done and published right at the start of February. Check out the game page here in order to download it, and do please take the time to read the new HTML manual in order to get an overview of all the things that were added.

If you remember the order of priority I’d listed for my other projects, you’ll know that productivity streams were going to be the next thing I’d set up. Except... that never really happened in the end. I’m not entirely sure why, either, but I guess I just ended up not feeling the need for them, particularly since work on the Sokoban clone had already given me my momentum back at the time. Of course, that’s not to say they’re completely off the table, but at the moment, getting them factored into my schedule isn’t quite the no-brainer it used to be. If I feel the need, I’ll start doing them. If not, then not.

Which brings us to the next item down the list, and the proverbial elephant in the room: the website relaunch. It’s... actually kind of the main reason behind why this update is coming in so late (although the aforementioned ass-kicking by life still played a significant role, don’t you worry): See, at this point, with all the professional experience I’ve gained from my job, the website in its current state is such a spaghettified mess that I didn’t actually want to touch it any more. The idea was that I’d leave it as-is until the new website is ready, then write a comprehensive blog post about everything that transpired. But then a few months turned into the better part of half a year, and it was still nowhere near done, which kind of forced my hand.

So let’s talk about how that’s going. I’ve basically been reconstructing the entire framework from the ground up, switching from procedural to object-oriented code in order to make things as streamlined and modular for me as possible, thereby improving maintainability. That’s a lot of jargon to say that I’m starting from scratch with new experience to make it easier for me to add to and tweak the website once it’s live.

Once the basic framework was done, I reconstructed each page, one at a time. Done so far are the Index, History, About and Games pages, with the Music page being the one I’m currently working on. Since Soundcloud and YouTube embeds are a nightmare for consent management, I’ve decided to replace them all with a custom audio player. Actually, I’d been wanting to create one of those for several years now, but felt like my skillset was too lacking at the time. Well, now I’m a professional web developer (in training)... and it’s still really hard and time-consuming, but at least it’s doable. It’s just that it’s still what I’m stuck on, not helped by the fact that I haven’t been able to find the time to make much progress in the past several weeks, which I’ll get into in a bit.

The original idea was that the relaunch would be live by the end of May. Then I changed it to having the audio player done by then. And now? Honestly, it’d be lucky if the whole thing got done within the year at all. For how much time and headache it’s supposed to be saving me in the long run, it sure is being a pain in the ass to write all the code for right now. But at least the frontend will go through some much-needed improvements, too. Mostly minor visual adjustments, but also some much-needed tweaks for accessibility. Probably not a huge deal for most of you, but certainly important for my standards.

Just bear with me a little while longer... or however damn long it’s gonna take still.

Aside from that, I have indeed been able to find time recently to do a little bit for the second Mukai game. Mostly just some small-scale planning and writing, though. I can’t fully commit myself to it yet, since I want to keep my priorities in check, but it at least helps keep me mentally stimulated enough to prevent burning out on doing nothing but website work (both as my job and as my hobby) for months on end.


So much to my projects, at least. This is the point where I tell you all about what else I’ve been up to all this time, starting with... me getting sick. A lot. Ever since I released that update to my Sokoban clone, I would wake up with a cold at least once every couple of weeks – or, in the worst case, every other week. I was taking days off from work left and right because of it, and while my performance didn’t suffer, I was still feeling pretty damn ashamed of myself. I tried changes to my workout routine as well as my workload, but none of it helped. It wasn’t until just a few weeks ago that I decided to try taking daily vitamin supplements that my health started improving again. Needless to say, though, that really threw me out of whack, and I’m still trying to find my groove again to this day. Of course, the physical and mental stress that the summer heat is exerting on my body isn’t helping much, either, so it might not be until at least September or October that I’ll be truly able to fire on all cylinders again.

On the bright side, though, I got me some nice things to put into my room, such as a second lava lamp and a small CD rack. The lava lamp has orange wax to complement the blue one I’ve had for years, but it also happens to provide a much brighter, more vibrant light, and I can keep it running for much longer before needing to turn it off to let it cool down again; in fact, I can leave it running nearly 8-10 consecutive hours, more than twice as long as my blue one!

As for the CD rack, I’ve just always wanted to have one, since I do have a few CDs to put on display – music albums, physical copies of Touhou games, and, of course, my own personal physical copy of COL – and, up until it arrived, they had to be kept in a cardboard box in my wardrobe. Now they’re within arm’s reach, and I can use the top of the CD rack as a surface to put items on, such as...

...potted plants! I’ve opted to go for artificial flowers, since those obviously don’t require any maintenance, and live flowers have never survived for very long in my care, but whether they’re real or not, that extra pop of color in my room sounds like just the thing I need. They haven’t arrived yet, but they should over the next couple days.

Other than that, I’ve actually purchased a new set of dumbbells with variable weights: Each dumbbell can go up to 20kg (in 5kg increments), and they can also be combined into a barbell, which not only expands the variety of exercises I can do at home, but also means I’ve got a lot more room upwards now before heavier weights become necessary. Unfortunately, again, I’ve been severely erratic with my workouts due to first my recurring colds and now the unbearable weather. Did I already mention I hate summer? I did? Well, now I did again.

What I have been able to stay consistent with, though, is the touch typing practice I started doing a few weeks back. I found this old DOS program on a Windows 95 laptop my dad let me have a long time ago, and this year I started practicing with it earnestly for the first time (as opposed to just doing it for a while until the novelty wears off). Now I’m by no means a slow typist, but I figured that, hey, maybe if I master this typing style, I’ll be able to break through my wpm ceiling more consistently. Guess we’ll see how it goes, though ironically, I’m writing this blog post with the typing style I’ve been using all my life.


And that’s... pretty much all I can think of. Not much else to say, and there probably won’t be much else to report until at least a couple months from now. I wanted these to be a monthly thing, but that’s kind of hard when you lack the energy to get enough things done that are worth talking about.

Oh well, hopefully by the next update log, I’ll have finally relaunched the website.

General Update Log No. 16: Year-End Edition

Verfasst am 29. Dezember 2023

2023 is slowly drawing to a close, and with it the 10th year of Retrograde Road’s existence. A lot has happened in that time — far more than I could feasibly remember off the top of my head. Hell, I’m already struggling to list all the noteworthy things that happened this year.

Relatively speaking, though, not a whole lot actually happened in terms of finished projects. I wasn’t even able to finish my new album before the end of the year, like I was hoping I would. What did happen a lot of, however, was personal growth: Somehow, this was the year where my mental health improved rapidly, and it’s all thanks to the realization that I need to take the initiative in dealing with the things I’m unhappy about. It wouldn’t be appropriate going into too much detail here, but suffice it to say that, had I not given myself that push, I’d still be unemployed and miserable.

Of course, there’s still a lot to work on — my confidence for writing music is still in shambles, and I’ve yet to find the time to hone my drawing skills — but all things considered, I’m a lot more optimistic now than I was around this time last year. I can do all of this, even if it takes time.


So let’s talk about my goals for 2024 instead!

First things first, I definitely still want to get my Sokoban clone done and ready again before all else. I genuinely didn’t think it’d take this long, but it kind of turned into more than just a porting and refactoring project. At this point I’m straight-up adding new content to the game, new features. Christmas festivities may have held me up a bit, but I’m determined to get it all done early next year, preferably within January or February.

After that, it’s time to start doing productivity streams — and with them comes work on other projects, starting with the refactoring/relaunch of this very website. I might even be in a bit of a race against time there, since the blog’s calendar widget bugging out makes me feel like it’s inexplicably falling apart at the seams. (I’ve disabled the widget for the time being, in case you’re wondering.)

Then, once that is done, it’s back to working on my album, full steam ahead. Maybe, with any luck, I can manage a 2024 release, after all, but I don’t want to make any guarantees because never once have I been able to actually stick to a deadline I set for myself.

And then, finally... work on the second Mukai game, after so many years of nothing. It’ll be a true test of everything I’ve learned, and I’m already looking forward to sharing its development with you all. If all goes well, I might get to start working on it in late 2024 or early 2025, but again, nothing to set your watches by.


It’s not much this time around, but that’s all for now. I wish you guys a happy new year, and you’ll be hearing from me no later than late January.

Der Stand der Dinge, Nr. 11

Verfasst am 20. Juni 2023

Um ehrlich zu sein: ich hätte das hier um einiges früher geschrieben, wäre es mir nicht in den Sinn gekommen, Wordpress aufzugeben und meinen eigenen Blog zu erstellen. Aber dann wiederum bedeutet die Verzögerung, dass sich so einiges seit Januar ereignet hat — und zwar richtig gute Dinge.

Ende letzten Jahres hatte ich einen Schicksalsschlag, für welchen die Schuld einzig und allein bei mir lag. Am Boden zerstört ist mir dann etwas klargeworden, wonach ich mich schon hätte viel zeitiger richten müssen: Meine Unglücklichkeit mit mir selbst und meinem Leben war lediglich wie mein Gehirn mir signalisieren wollte, dass ich mir Zeit nehmen sollte, zu überlegen, was genau es eigentlich ist, das mich so unzufrieden macht, um dann anschließend aktiv daran zu arbeiten, anstatt in Elend und Selbstmitleid zu versinken.

Sobald ich das kapiert hatte und besser darin wurde, mich selbst zum Handeln zu bewegen, ging es auf einmal ganz schnell bergauf mit mir, und ich fand mich dazu in der Lage, Dinge zu bewerkstelligen, die ich mir nie zugetraut hätte. Jetzt in diesem Moment habe ich ernsthaft den Eindruck, ich erfreue mich meiner besten seelischen Gesundheit seit 2018, wenn nicht sogar 2002. Ein Gefühl von Handlungsfähigkeit zu haben wirkt wahrliche Wunder, was das eigene seelische und psychische Wohlbefinden betrifft.

Und was hab ich bis jetzt mit meiner neugefundenen Stärke so alles gemacht? Einerseits ganz viel Tagebuch geführt, um zu erschließen, was meiner Produktivität hilft und was sie hindert, und anschließend einen Plan entworfen, der für mich funktioniert: Nebst einer täglichen To-Do-Liste mit etwa 3-5 Aufgaben führe ich jetzt auch eine Art Prioritätenliste. Die benutze ich für mittel- bis langfristige Aufgaben, die ich in zweierlei Gruppen unterteile: befristet und unbefristet. Für jede Aufgabe schreibe ich mir detaillierte Notizen auf: was zu erledigen ist, welche Probleme und Stolpersteine sich ergeben könnten, und was mein erster bzw. nächster Schritt sein sollte. Erledigte Aufgaben kommen anschließend in eine dritte Kategorie für ebendiese, markiert mit dem Datum, an welchem ich sie erledigt habe, und es ist ganz schön ermutigend, mit anzusehen, wie diese Kategorie langsam wächst.

Durch diese Art von Selbstorganisation hab ich es auch geschafft, mein Leben selbst einen riesigen Schritt vorwärts zu bringen! Ich hatte endlich wieder den Mut gefunden, Bewerbungen rauszuschicken, und es hat sich ausgezahlt: Nach knapp zwei Jahren ohne Beschäftigung hab ich nun endlich eine Ausbildung! Die mach ich bei einer Webagentur hier in meiner Stadt für drei Jahre, aber meine Übernahmechancen scheinen gut zu stehen, und selbst mein Monatslohn als Azubi sieht nicht schlecht aus. Ich fange nächsten Monat, am 3. Juni, an. Wünscht mir Glück!


Aber reden wir auch ein wenig über meine kreativen Bemühungen. Mein Album, zum Beispiel, welches derzeit etwas weniger als 30% fertig ist. Zwar kann ich keinewegs über die Qualität bis jetzt klagen, aber es wäre mir schon lieber gewesen, weiter zu sein als ich es derzeit bin. Burnout und die Angst vorm Versagen haben mir einen Stein nach dem anderen in den Weg gelegt, und wenn man bedenkt, dass ich ab nächstem Monat 40 Stunden die Woche arbeiten werde, scheint es recht unwahrscheinlich, dass der Release noch dieses Jahr stattfinden wird... zumindest solange mein Arbeitsprozess weiterhin so unbeständig bleibt. Aber ich hab schon andere Probleme in meinem Leben lösen können, also warum nicht auch dieses irgendwann?

Ihr erinnert euch vielleicht auch noch, dass ich im Januar angefangen hatte, mit Figurenskizzen allmählich wieder ins Zeichnen zurückzufinden. Seitdem würde ich sagen hab ich einiges an Fortschritt gemacht: einen Körperteil nach dem anderen bring ich mir allmählich die Anatomie des Menschen näher. Zugegebenermaßen lässt meine Präzision mit dem Stift noch einiges zu Wünschen übrig, aber ich hatte das Glück, einen Mentor zu finden, der ein gutes Auge für Details hat und mich zu motivieren weiß. Vielleicht schaff ich es ja, dieses Jahr hier und da eine Zeichnung fertig zu bekommen. Wir werden sehen.

Manchen von euch wird bestimmt auch mein neuentfachter Eifer für Fremdsprachen aufgefallen sein. Letzten September hatte ich zum Beispiel angefangen, mir Spanisch beizubringen. Ich würde keineswegs sagen, dass ich die Sprache schon fließend beherrsche, aber ich fühle mich zumindest gut genug, um Gespräche darin zu führen. Als Folge dessen hab ich außerdem beschlossen, mir noch andere romanische Sprachen beizubringen, und in diesem Moment wären das Französisch und Portugiesisch. Trotzdem würde ich meine Spanischkenntnisse gerne erweitern, und hoffentlich einen Durchbruch mit meinem Japanisch machen, weil ich den Eindruck hab, schon seit Jahren nicht viel besser darin geworden zu sein. Und wer weiß, was die Zukunft bringt? Vielleicht knie ich mich wieder in Schwedisch und Finnisch rein, oder schau mir eine komplett neue Sprache an. So oder so, der Traum, polyglott zu werden, lebt weiter.

Was andere Pläne betrifft... na ja, ich muss gestehen, dass ich leider noch immer nicht viel Gelegenheit hatte, am zweiten Mukai-Spiel zu arbeiten — ich kann noch immer nicht so gut zeichnen, wie ich es gerne hätte, mein Album hat volle Priorität, was Musik betrifft, und ohne Bild- oder Tonmaterial hat es nicht viel Sinn, mit dem Programmieren anzufangen — aber da gibt es dieses andere Projekt, das ich vielleicht mal in ferner Zukunft realisieren würde.

Als Kind hab ich gerne und viel mit RPG Maker rumhantiert. Mein erstes Spiel hab ich sogar während der 30-tägigen Testphase mit RPG Maker VX fertigentwickelt (auch wenn es ein sehr, sehr schlechtes Spiel geworden ist), und abgesehen von diesem, sowie etlicher anderer Projekte, die ich angefangen und jeweils nach weniger als einer Woche wieder aufgegeben hatte, gab es ein Spiel, das ich tatsächlich ordentlich durchgeplant hatte... Natürlich ist es auch nie ansatzweise fertig geworden, aber selbst nach all diesen Jahren denke ich ab und an noch daran, und ich würde doch gerne etwas daraus machen. Außerdem wollte ich schon immer mal eine RPG-Engine in Game Maker schreiben. Das klingt nach einer interessanten Herausforderung.


Ich würde sagen, das wäre auch schon so ziemlich alles, was sich dieses Jahr bis jetzt ereignet hat. Ich weiß noch, als ich diese Art Einträge alle zwei Wochen verfassen wollte... Zwar glaub ich nicht, dass ich in zwei Wochen genug bewerkstelligen könnte, um darüber einen anständigen Artikel zu schreiben, aber trotzdem gefällt mir die Idee, daraus etwas Regelmäßiges zu machen. Wie wär’s mit jeweils einmal gegen Ende des Monats? Das könnte klappen.

Herzlichen Dank jedenfalls an alle, die mich anfeuern, und ich hoffe, ihr werdet nicht allzu lange darauf warten müssen, erneut von mir zu hören. Macht’s gut, trinkt genug Wasser, und erwägt, euch für das kommende Wetter ein Eis zu kaufen!

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