Another year coming to an end... Hopefully 2024 has been treating you guys well enough. In my case, it was definitely quite eventful, even if you might not be able to tell from my activity. So let me walk you through the things that have (or haven’t) happened, and what my plans for 2025 are.

Things actually started off pretty strong, what with me releasing the update to my Sokoban clone in early February! If you haven’t checked it out yet, I’d wholeheartedly recommend that you do so, if only for all the secrets and easter eggs I’ve crammed into it.

Unfortunately, I must have given it 110% for a little too long, since, shortly after releasing the aforementioned update, I started getting sick a lot. At the worst of it, I ended up out of commission for a couple days at a time every other week, usually on or around the weekends. It was quite the problem for my job, too, since I was missing for so many days. I tried a few different things, like changing my diet or exercise regimen, or even taking antihistamines, but what ultimately helped me get back on track again ended up being daily multivitamin supplements, of all things.

Even to this day, though, my health is kind of a tightrope walk. Granted, it seems to be getting more manageable, but I still need to be careful not to overwork myself, which is easier said than done because I can tunnel-vision so hard that I completely lose sight of my physical and mental needs.

Sickness aside, work on the website relaunch began in earnest in late March this year... and is still ongoing, despite my initial prediction that it’d only take me a few months to complete. Turns out it’s so much more complex than I could’ve ever anticipated, and while there’s little that’s left to do before I can get started on reconstructing the blog, I expect that the blog is going to be a major undertaking unto itself. It’ll probably take me at least another few months.

Also doesn’t help that I’ve had a lot of overall downtime (such as from June to early September, and there was hardly any progress made from mid-October to late December, either), without which a go-live within 2024 might just have been in the cards, but oh well. I have recently (as in, roughly a week ago) started to challenge myself to get at least a little bit of progress done each day, though, even if it’s just two minutes. Hopefully that’ll help get things back on track again... and it does look promising so far, so fingers crossed!

A major highlight of the year was — as acknowledged in the previous blog post — the fact that the 500 million bounty for chain of lucidity was claimed at last, and that, in turn, seems to have snowballed into the genesis of a small but devoted Mukai fandom, which I couldn’t be happier about. Shoutouts to Sins, Errhed, ALePH_D, and PressEtoAscend for being effectively the ambassadors of that one game I made six years ago that’s still waiting for its sequel. Once again, thank you so much for your support, as well as your saintlike patience with the glacial pace of my creative output!

Said small fandom also made me realize another aspect of my brand: my coverage of retro games that have strong emotional significance to me. It was brought to my attention that I have a very personal, passionate, informative, and I suppose humorous way of presenting these games, as exhibited by my gaming blog, my Full Playthroughs series on YouTube (for which I’ve managed to make four new videos this year!), or even the occasional streams for longer-form games, in which I could interact with my watchers directly — or, as was more often the case, have them interact with each other while I was deep in concentration with whatever game I was playing at the time.

What I’m trying to say is that this is something I hope to be able to continue doing, going forward, not least of all because I’ve been told it’s comfort material (and, I mean... even I like rewatching these videos from time to time). Time will tell how I’ll be able to get them slotted into my schedule, but I likely won’t be able to put them out on a regular basis anytime soon.

Getting back on track, here’s a quick rundown of the other major happenings this year:

• A trip to Mallorca with the entire company in late May/early June
• Me getting sick with a middle-ear infection in both ears for all of July
• Said prolonged sickness wrecking my mental health to the point where, in September, I finally caved and made use of the services of the therapist employed by my company
• Completing a 30-day sketching challenge without missing a single day (even if I ended up not drawing anything else since then)
• A stream for the 6th anniversary of the Mukai Project (which also had me nursing the first hangover of my life the morning after, and it was nasty), and...
• Rearranging the furniture in my bedroom in November, resulting in me making enough room to set up a gaming corner

Other than that, though... well, I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t composed a single track this entire year. I’m hoping that’ll change next year, since I’ve still got an album to finish — it and the website relaunch are the only things still in the way of me starting development on the second Mukai game... which I feel like I really owe to you guys at this point. Unfortunately, perfection can’t be rushed, and neither can “good enough”, especially when you’re suffering from crippling perfectionism the way I am.

That also means that my plans for 2025 haven’t really changed from my plans for this year: Get the website done, then the album, then start development on the game, sprinkling in playthrough videos here and there to maintain at least some semblance of output. My biggest problem is still my lack of efficiency, and this year in particular I’ve felt especially limited by my mental reserves; managing all of this alongside a full-time job still isn’t easy, but this is gonna be my life for at least the next 30-40 years, so I might as well figure out how to make it work for me without constantly burning out in the process.

And with that said, I wish you guys a happy new year. See you back on the road in 2025!

Hey, remember when I said last December that “you’ll be hearing from me no later than late January”? Well, guess I was about half a year off on that prediction, then. But in my defense, this year so far has been kicking my ass, and the summer heat that’s been robbing me of the energy to do much of anything is only the tip of the iceberg.

In any case, let’s go through things one at a time, since, despite that, a lot has happened this year so far.

First things first, I’m making the (very late) announcement that, as of 4 April 2024, the 500-million-point bounty on chain of lucidity was finally claimed! Congratulations to Sins, who is now the lucky owner of one of the only 25 physical copies of COL in existence! It was quite interesting, seeing various people over the years express intent in – and even put some effort towards – achieving this kind of milestone, and all I can say to that is: Thank you all for still enjoying my game, even almost six full years after its release. I see all of you, and your enthusiasm and fascination mean the world to me.

You may also recall me talking about my Sokoban clone. Well, in a rare case of me being able to (more or less) meet a deadline I set for myself, I did actually get the update done and published right at the start of February. Check out the game page here in order to download it, and do please take the time to read the new HTML manual in order to get an overview of all the things that were added.

If you remember the order of priority I’d listed for my other projects, you’ll know that productivity streams were going to be the next thing I’d set up. Except... that never really happened in the end. I’m not entirely sure why, either, but I guess I just ended up not feeling the need for them, particularly since work on the Sokoban clone had already given me my momentum back at the time. Of course, that’s not to say they’re completely off the table, but at the moment, getting them factored into my schedule isn’t quite the no-brainer it used to be. If I feel the need, I’ll start doing them. If not, then not.

Which brings us to the next item down the list, and the proverbial elephant in the room: the website relaunch. It’s... actually kind of the main reason behind why this update is coming in so late (although the aforementioned ass-kicking by life still played a significant role, don’t you worry): See, at this point, with all the professional experience I’ve gained from my job, the website in its current state is such a spaghettified mess that I didn’t actually want to touch it any more. The idea was that I’d leave it as-is until the new website is ready, then write a comprehensive blog post about everything that transpired. But then a few months turned into the better part of half a year, and it was still nowhere near done, which kind of forced my hand.

So let’s talk about how that’s going. I’ve basically been reconstructing the entire framework from the ground up, switching from procedural to object-oriented code in order to make things as streamlined and modular for me as possible, thereby improving maintainability. That’s a lot of jargon to say that I’m starting from scratch with new experience to make it easier for me to add to and tweak the website once it’s live.

Once the basic framework was done, I reconstructed each page, one at a time. Done so far are the Index, History, About and Games pages, with the Music page being the one I’m currently working on. Since Soundcloud and YouTube embeds are a nightmare for consent management, I’ve decided to replace them all with a custom audio player. Actually, I’d been wanting to create one of those for several years now, but felt like my skillset was too lacking at the time. Well, now I’m a professional web developer (in training)... and it’s still really hard and time-consuming, but at least it’s doable. It’s just that it’s still what I’m stuck on, not helped by the fact that I haven’t been able to find the time to make much progress in the past several weeks, which I’ll get into in a bit.

The original idea was that the relaunch would be live by the end of May. Then I changed it to having the audio player done by then. And now? Honestly, it’d be lucky if the whole thing got done within the year at all. For how much time and headache it’s supposed to be saving me in the long run, it sure is being a pain in the ass to write all the code for right now. But at least the frontend will go through some much-needed improvements, too. Mostly minor visual adjustments, but also some much-needed tweaks for accessibility. Probably not a huge deal for most of you, but certainly important for my standards.

Just bear with me a little while longer... or however damn long it’s gonna take still.

Aside from that, I have indeed been able to find time recently to do a little bit for the second Mukai game. Mostly just some small-scale planning and writing, though. I can’t fully commit myself to it yet, since I want to keep my priorities in check, but it at least helps keep me mentally stimulated enough to prevent burning out on doing nothing but website work (both as my job and as my hobby) for months on end.

So much to my projects, at least. This is the point where I tell you all about what else I’ve been up to all this time, starting with... me getting sick. A lot. Ever since I released that update to my Sokoban clone, I would wake up with a cold at least once every couple of weeks – or, in the worst case, every other week. I was taking days off from work left and right because of it, and while my performance didn’t suffer, I was still feeling pretty damn ashamed of myself. I tried changes to my workout routine as well as my workload, but none of it helped. It wasn’t until just a few weeks ago that I decided to try taking daily vitamin supplements that my health started improving again. Needless to say, though, that really threw me out of whack, and I’m still trying to find my groove again to this day. Of course, the physical and mental stress that the summer heat is exerting on my body isn’t helping much, either, so it might not be until at least September or October that I’ll be truly able to fire on all cylinders again.

On the bright side, though, I got me some nice things to put into my room, such as a second lava lamp and a small CD rack. The lava lamp has orange wax to complement the blue one I’ve had for years, but it also happens to provide a much brighter, more vibrant light, and I can keep it running for much longer before needing to turn it off to let it cool down again; in fact, I can leave it running nearly 8-10 consecutive hours, more than twice as long as my blue one!

As for the CD rack, I’ve just always wanted to have one, since I do have a few CDs to put on display – music albums, physical copies of Touhou games, and, of course, my own personal physical copy of COL – and, up until it arrived, they had to be kept in a cardboard box in my wardrobe. Now they’re within arm’s reach, and I can use the top of the CD rack as a surface to put items on, such as...

...potted plants! I’ve opted to go for artificial flowers, since those obviously don’t require any maintenance, and live flowers have never survived for very long in my care, but whether they’re real or not, that extra pop of color in my room sounds like just the thing I need. They haven’t arrived yet, but they should over the next couple days.

Other than that, I’ve actually purchased a new set of dumbbells with variable weights: Each dumbbell can go up to 20kg (in 5kg increments), and they can also be combined into a barbell, which not only expands the variety of exercises I can do at home, but also means I’ve got a lot more room upwards now before heavier weights become necessary. Unfortunately, again, I’ve been severely erratic with my workouts due to first my recurring colds and now the unbearable weather. Did I already mention I hate summer? I did? Well, now I did again.

What I have been able to stay consistent with, though, is the touch typing practice I started doing a few weeks back. I found this old DOS program on a Windows 95 laptop my dad let me have a long time ago, and this year I started practicing with it earnestly for the first time (as opposed to just doing it for a while until the novelty wears off). Now I’m by no means a slow typist, but I figured that, hey, maybe if I master this typing style, I’ll be able to break through my wpm ceiling more consistently. Guess we’ll see how it goes, though ironically, I’m writing this blog post with the typing style I’ve been using all my life.

And that’s... pretty much all I can think of. Not much else to say, and there probably won’t be much else to report until at least a couple months from now. I wanted these to be a monthly thing, but that’s kind of hard when you lack the energy to get enough things done that are worth talking about.

Oh well, hopefully by the next update log, I’ll have finally relaunched the website.

2023 is slowly drawing to a close, and with it the 10th year of Retrograde Road’s existence. A lot has happened in that time — far more than I could feasibly remember off the top of my head. Hell, I’m already struggling to list all the noteworthy things that happened this year.

Relatively speaking, though, not a whole lot actually happened in terms of finished projects. I wasn’t even able to finish my new album before the end of the year, like I was hoping I would. What did happen a lot of, however, was personal growth: Somehow, this was the year where my mental health improved rapidly, and it’s all thanks to the realization that I need to take the initiative in dealing with the things I’m unhappy about. It wouldn’t be appropriate going into too much detail here, but suffice it to say that, had I not given myself that push, I’d still be unemployed and miserable.

Of course, there’s still a lot to work on — my confidence for writing music is still in shambles, and I’ve yet to find the time to hone my drawing skills — but all things considered, I’m a lot more optimistic now than I was around this time last year. I can do all of this, even if it takes time.

So let’s talk about my goals for 2024 instead!

First things first, I definitely still want to get my Sokoban clone done and ready again before all else. I genuinely didn’t think it’d take this long, but it kind of turned into more than just a porting and refactoring project. At this point I’m straight-up adding new content to the game, new features. Christmas festivities may have held me up a bit, but I’m determined to get it all done early next year, preferably within January or February.

After that, it’s time to start doing productivity streams — and with them comes work on other projects, starting with the refactoring/relaunch of this very website. I might even be in a bit of a race against time there, since the blog’s calendar widget bugging out makes me feel like it’s inexplicably falling apart at the seams. (I’ve disabled the widget for the time being, in case you’re wondering.)

Then, once that is done, it’s back to working on my album, full steam ahead. Maybe, with any luck, I can manage a 2024 release, after all, but I don’t want to make any guarantees because never once have I been able to actually stick to a deadline I set for myself.

And then, finally... work on the second Mukai game, after so many years of nothing. It’ll be a true test of everything I’ve learned, and I’m already looking forward to sharing its development with you all. If all goes well, I might get to start working on it in late 2024 or early 2025, but again, nothing to set your watches by.

It’s not much this time around, but that’s all for now. I wish you guys a happy new year, and you’ll be hearing from me no later than late January.

The season’s changed once again, snow has fallen, temperatures are in the negatives, and Mariah is on every radio station.

And on that note, I’ve once again got to deal with moisture seeping through the wooden window frames. It gets particularly bad in the case of the one window in my bedroom, where usually the entire glass pane gets covered in moisture every morning, but the other windows have at least some on the bottom and sides, too. My mom ended up buying an electric window cleaner for precisely this occasion. It has a squeegee attachment as well as a vacuum specifically for liquids. I wasn’t too impressed with it at first, but after figuring out the trick to it, I found that it’s quite the helpful asset, after all.

Regarding the rest of my life since last month, work has been pretty fulfilling as always. I had an employee interview last Monday where I was pretty much showered with praise and overwhelmingly positive feedback the whole time. It’s still hard to believe that I’ve made this much of a name for myself after only five months, especially after going all my life being told that (or at least feeling like) I’m a failure and that nothing I do is ever good enough. Maybe that’s why I was pushing myself so hard the whole time — simply not wanting to be seen as a dead weight.

The stress I’m putting on myself has been affecting my physical health negatively, though. Just the other week, I ended up having to take a sick day because I was simply too exhausted to go to work. It made me realize just how out-of-shape I’d gotten, and that something would have to change if I wanted to have energy for my hobbies and creative endeavors. As a result, I started doing cardio again, half an hour every other day. I recalled reading that it helps both with relieving stress and improving my stress tolerance. I’m nearly two weeks into my new routine, so we’ll see how it goes.

I’ve started journaling near-daily again, too — even outside of writing these monthly logs. I used to be pretty on-and-off about it, but it’s generally been a great way for me to process my thoughts and provide some much-needed self-organization and accountability, so I’m glad I’m on that again.

Speaking of self-organization, the lack thereof as well as my general lack of energy (prior to restarting my workout routine, at least) has left me with precious little opportunity to work on the things I’d like to work on. Even during my vacation last month, I didn’t actually get that much done in the end. It’s honestly pretty vexing that I can’t seem to bring myself to do much of anything, even when I have all the time in the world.

It got me thinking... What could I do to keep myself motivated, or at least accountable for long enough to get my momentum going again? My first thought ended up being productivity streams, much like the ones JynX has been doing, where I’d just sit there in (mostly) silence for an hour or two working on stuff while viewers could use that time for their own activities. I’m not sure how many people would actually tune in, but then again, it’s really not about the viewer count, anyway. It’s about me getting stuff done.

And then I thought about how to lay out my stream. For various reasons, I’d rather avoid showing my actual screen (not least of all because I might be working on stuff I’d rather not reveal until it’s actually done), so I might leave some kind of footage running instead, like how JynX has his marble game. When I wracked my brain over what I’d have that’d be similar enough to be suitable, I thought back to my old Sokoban clone that I coded way back in 2016 (though I released it in 2018). I figured that, since it’s got at least 100 levels, I could modify it to play itself and then use that as the idle footage. After all, there might be something both relaxing and satisfying about seeing a messy level get gradually cleaned up.

I wasn’t too sure if it’d be worth the effort to port the game over to GMS2, but then I ended up getting started on it literally the next day, anyway. More on that later.

The other question was a matter of how to schedule those streams. Obviously the weekends would be a good time, but it’d be great if I could do them during the work week, too. Ideally in the mornings (so between 6 and 8 AM UTC+1), since that’s the time I’m trying to set aside for productivity, anyway. Evening streams (between, say, 5 and 8 PM UTC+1) would be a viable option, too, but only on non-workout days. Either way, I suppose we’ll see what (if anything) ends up happening.

I’m also planning on streaming primarily on YouTube, simply because I can schedule my streams there in a way that’d allow subscribers to see them coming up in advance. If I can figure out how to dual-stream to both YouTube and Twitch, though, I might do that. Hopefully you’ll look forward to my streams when (or if) they start happening.

Now, about that Sokoban clone... For some reason, I’ve been finding myself extremely motivated to work on it, to the point where I would get out of bed and have breakfast as early as possible just to maximize the amount of time I get to chip away at it before needing to get ready for work. In a way, it’s actually become kind of an addiction — at least for the first few days; it’s kinda tapered off to normal levels again by now.

Progress has been pretty rapid so far, too. After all, it’s just a matter of rewriting the same code (or rather refactoring it, now that I have those extra seven years of experience and I get to make use of features GMS2 has that GMS1 didn’t at the time). The startup sequence, menus, and core gameplay loop are all done, and I’ve even implemented a setting for switching to a double-res set of graphics (even if I’d say that the blocky, lower-res graphics still have a certain charm to them).

Something else I’ve implemented, which I’ve been hinting at in the third of these update logs way back in 2021, is a training mode of sorts. You get infinite attempts and the ability to undo your moves (each undo rewinds to just before you started pushing the last crate you touched, though there’s no limit to how far you can rewind), but your records won’t get saved. However, you’d still be able to unlock new levels in this mode.

And, of course, the aforementioned autoplay feature has been implemented, too. The hardest part about it was the solutions themselves, actually. I grabbed step-by-step solutions from an FAQ for the SG-1000 version, but roughly a dozen of those didn’t work for various reasons: either I made mistakes when copying the levels (and, much to my dismay, all of those mistakes are present in the current v0.50 release of the game, meaning the SG Pack is literally impossible to complete as there’s one level where there are more crates than dots), or the FAQ itself inadvertently provided simplified versions of the levels. I ended up having to download JSoko in order to help me work out solutions for the latter, and its auto-solver wasn’t even all that useful, since in most cases it would simply get stuck forever. Because of that, I had to solve most of the levels myself, looking at the solutions for the incorrect levels from the FAQ step by step, and deviating from there where I needed to in order to account for the actual levels’ more constricted designs.

But at the end of the day, it’s all working now, and the broken levels on my end are all fixed, too. As a matter of fact, letting the autoplay solve all 100 levels back-to-back would take well over six hours. I’d say that’s plenty of time for productivity stream footage.

There isn’t too much stuff left to do, either. The biggest fish are the in-game editors, of course. The rest is fullscreen support, storing records for least steps and pushes on a per-level basis, better input handling (as well as some QoL changes for the menuing), bilinguality, secret levels, secret win animations, and some other stuff I can’t think off the top of my head yet but will probably stumble upon as I do the other things.

And that... might’ve been one of the biggest updates in a while, actually. I know I didn’t say anything about the website relaunch or the album, but that’s because the Sokoban clone has been where all my resources are being put into right now. I want to get it finished up so I can use it for productivity stream footage, and then I can use said productivity streams to work on those other two things (and other stuff later down the line).

Until then, stay warm (or cool, depending on where you live), and you’ll hopefully be hearing from me again one more time before the end of the year.

...Oh, by the way, I meant to mention this a lot sooner, but I’m on Bluesky now. Here’s my profile if you want to give me a follow!

I’ll be honest: I probably would’ve written this a whole lot sooner if I hadn’t gotten it into my head that I wanted to move away from Wordpress and create my own custom blog. But on the bright side, I can at least say that a lot has happened since January — a lot of really good stuff, in fact.

After some extremely devastating events happening to me right at the end of last year as a result of my own actions, I came to a realization that had been long overdue: My unhappiness with myself and my life was, more than anything else, my brain trying to tell me that I had to sit down, think about what exactly it is that I feel unsatisfied with, and then actively take steps to change it instead of just wallowing in misery and learned helplessness.

As soon as I fully grasped that and began to get the hang of forcing myself to act, things suddenly began to improve drastically, and I found myself accomplishing things I didn’t think I was even capable of. Fast-forward to today, and it genuinely feels like my mental health is the best it’s ever been since at least 2018, if not 2002. Having a sense of agency over oneself truly does wonders for one’s mental and emotional well-being.

So what have I been able to do with that newfound mental fortitude? For starters, I’ve done a lot of journaling on what helps and hurts my productivity, and finally came up with a plan that works for me: In addition to a small, daily to-do list of roughly 3-5 items, I’m also keeping a priority list of sorts now. I use that to keep track of mid-to-long-term tasks, categorizing them into ones with deadlines and ones without, and keeping detailed notes for each of them regarding what I need to do, what problems and roadblocks there may be, and what my first/next steps should be towards getting closer to completing a given task. And when they’re done, I move them to a section for finished tasks at the very bottom of the list, noting the date at which I completed them. It can be quite encouraging, watching that bottom list grow over time.

This system of prioritizing tasks and looking at them one step at a time has also resulted in a huge step forward with my life! I’d redoubled my efforts to send out job applications, and I can proudly say that, after nearly two years of freeloading, I’ve finally been hired somewhere! For the time being, it’s a three-year apprenticeship at a web development agency, but chances are good that I’d be taken on as a proper employee after I’ve been fully trained, and even so, I’d already be making a not-insignificant wage. I start next month, on the 3rd of July. Wish me luck!

Let’s talk a bit about my other creative endeavors, too, though. Progress on my album, for instance, is currently at just under 30%. I can’t say I don’t love what I have of it so far, but I would’ve liked to be further along than I currently am. Burnout and fear of failure have been ever-present companions slowing me down considerably, and with the added prospect of 40-hour work weeks starting from next month, a 2023 release is looking increasingly unlikely... at least for as long as my process of composing remains as inconsistent as it currently is. I’ve already figured out other conundrums in my life, though, so I’m sure I’ll figure this one out eventually, too.

You may also remember me talking about getting back into drawing by doing figure sketches back in January. I feel like I’ve been making quite a lot of progress since then, slowly getting to grips with the finer details of human anatomy, one body part at a time. Granted, my execution is still lagging behind what theoretical knowledge I have, but I’ve been fortunate enough to find a good mentor who knows how to keep me motivated and has an extremely keen eye for details. Maybe I’ll even end up producing some new illustrations sometime this year. We’ll see.

Some of you may have caught on to my recently-rekindled interest in the acquisition of foreign languages, too. For example, I started teaching myself Spanish last September, and while I’m certainly nowhere near fluent yet, I still find myself capable enough to hold conversations in it already. It’s made me want to pick up some other Romance languages, too, with my current focus being on French and Portuguese. That said, I do still want to expand my Spanish, as well as break through the plateau I feel like I’ve been stuck on with Japanese for several years now. And in the future? Who knows? Maybe I’ll pick up Swedish and Finnish again, maybe I’ll dabble in a completely different language. Either way, the dream of being a polyglot lives on.

Any other plans, then? Well, there unfortunately still isn’t much leeway for working on the second Mukai game — my art skills are still lagging behind, all my time spent on composing goes towards my new album, and without assets, there’s not much point in coding anything yet — but I have been thinking of another project to maybe work on in the distant future.

As a kid, I used to love working with RPG Maker. There’s this really crappy game I somehow completed start to finish with RPG Maker VX within its 30-day trial period, and aside from that and possibly dozens of other game projects I started and then dropped within a week, there’s one idea that I actually put some legitimate thought and planning into before I started working on it... Of course, I never finished that one, either, but even after all these years, the premise still holds a place in my heart, and I’d love to revive and expand on it. Plus, I’ve always wanted to try my hand at creating an RPG engine in Game Maker. I think it’d be a fun challenge.

That’s about the extent of what’s been going on over the first half of this year, I’d say. I remember when I used to want to write these logs once every two weeks... and while I highly doubt that I can get enough done in such a short time frame to make it worth writing about, the idea of making them a regular thing is nevertheless an enticing one. Maybe once a month, specifically somewhere during the final third of each month? That could work.