2023に投稿された記事

General Update Log No. 16: Year-End Edition

投稿日付:

2023 is slowly drawing to a close, and with it the 10th year of Retrograde Road’s existence. A lot has happened in that time — far more than I could feasibly remember off the top of my head. Hell, I’m already struggling to list all the noteworthy things that happened this year.

Relatively speaking, though, not a whole lot actually happened in terms of finished projects. I wasn’t even able to finish my new album before the end of the year, like I was hoping I would. What did happen a lot of, however, was personal growth: Somehow, this was the year where my mental health improved rapidly, and it’s all thanks to the realization that I need to take the initiative in dealing with the things I’m unhappy about. It wouldn’t be appropriate going into too much detail here, but suffice it to say that, had I not given myself that push, I’d still be unemployed and miserable.

Of course, there’s still a lot to work on — my confidence for writing music is still in shambles, and I’ve yet to find the time to hone my drawing skills — but all things considered, I’m a lot more optimistic now than I was around this time last year. I can do all of this, even if it takes time.


So let’s talk about my goals for 2024 instead!

First things first, I definitely still want to get my Sokoban clone done and ready again before all else. I genuinely didn’t think it’d take this long, but it kind of turned into more than just a porting and refactoring project. At this point I’m straight-up adding new content to the game, new features. Christmas festivities may have held me up a bit, but I’m determined to get it all done early next year, preferably within January or February.

After that, it’s time to start doing productivity streams — and with them comes work on other projects, starting with the refactoring/relaunch of this very website. I might even be in a bit of a race against time there, since the blog’s calendar widget bugging out makes me feel like it’s inexplicably falling apart at the seams. (I’ve disabled the widget for the time being, in case you’re wondering.)

Then, once that is done, it’s back to working on my album, full steam ahead. Maybe, with any luck, I can manage a 2024 release, after all, but I don’t want to make any guarantees because never once have I been able to actually stick to a deadline I set for myself.

And then, finally... work on the second Mukai game, after so many years of nothing. It’ll be a true test of everything I’ve learned, and I’m already looking forward to sharing its development with you all. If all goes well, I might get to start working on it in late 2024 or early 2025, but again, nothing to set your watches by.


It’s not much this time around, but that’s all for now. I wish you guys a happy new year, and you’ll be hearing from me no later than late January.

General Update Log No. 15

投稿日付:

The season’s changed once again, snow has fallen, temperatures are in the negatives, and Mariah is on every radio station.

And on that note, I’ve once again got to deal with moisture seeping through the wooden window frames. It gets particularly bad in the case of the one window in my bedroom, where usually the entire glass pane gets covered in moisture every morning, but the other windows have at least some on the bottom and sides, too. My mom ended up buying an electric window cleaner for precisely this occasion. It has a squeegee attachment as well as a vacuum specifically for liquids. I wasn’t too impressed with it at first, but after figuring out the trick to it, I found that it’s quite the helpful asset, after all.

Regarding the rest of my life since last month, work has been pretty fulfilling as always. I had an employee interview last Monday where I was pretty much showered with praise and overwhelmingly positive feedback the whole time. It’s still hard to believe that I’ve made this much of a name for myself after only five months, especially after going all my life being told that (or at least feeling like) I’m a failure and that nothing I do is ever good enough. Maybe that’s why I was pushing myself so hard the whole time — simply not wanting to be seen as a dead weight.

The stress I’m putting on myself has been affecting my physical health negatively, though. Just the other week, I ended up having to take a sick day because I was simply too exhausted to go to work. It made me realize just how out-of-shape I’d gotten, and that something would have to change if I wanted to have energy for my hobbies and creative endeavors. As a result, I started doing cardio again, half an hour every other day. I recalled reading that it helps both with relieving stress and improving my stress tolerance. I’m nearly two weeks into my new routine, so we’ll see how it goes.

I’ve started journaling near-daily again, too — even outside of writing these monthly logs. I used to be pretty on-and-off about it, but it’s generally been a great way for me to process my thoughts and provide some much-needed self-organization and accountability, so I’m glad I’m on that again.


Speaking of self-organization, the lack thereof as well as my general lack of energy (prior to restarting my workout routine, at least) has left me with precious little opportunity to work on the things I’d like to work on. Even during my vacation last month, I didn’t actually get that much done in the end. It’s honestly pretty vexing that I can’t seem to bring myself to do much of anything, even when I have all the time in the world.

It got me thinking... What could I do to keep myself motivated, or at least accountable for long enough to get my momentum going again? My first thought ended up being productivity streams, much like the ones JynX has been doing, where I’d just sit there in (mostly) silence for an hour or two working on stuff while viewers could use that time for their own activities. I’m not sure how many people would actually tune in, but then again, it’s really not about the viewer count, anyway. It’s about me getting stuff done.

And then I thought about how to lay out my stream. For various reasons, I’d rather avoid showing my actual screen (not least of all because I might be working on stuff I’d rather not reveal until it’s actually done), so I might leave some kind of footage running instead, like how JynX has his marble game. When I wracked my brain over what I’d have that’d be similar enough to be suitable, I thought back to my old Sokoban clone that I coded way back in 2016 (though I released it in 2018). I figured that, since it’s got at least 100 levels, I could modify it to play itself and then use that as the idle footage. After all, there might be something both relaxing and satisfying about seeing a messy level get gradually cleaned up.

I wasn’t too sure if it’d be worth the effort to port the game over to GMS2, but then I ended up getting started on it literally the next day, anyway. More on that later.

The other question was a matter of how to schedule those streams. Obviously the weekends would be a good time, but it’d be great if I could do them during the work week, too. Ideally in the mornings (so between 6 and 8 AM UTC+1), since that’s the time I’m trying to set aside for productivity, anyway. Evening streams (between, say, 5 and 8 PM UTC+1) would be a viable option, too, but only on non-workout days. Either way, I suppose we’ll see what (if anything) ends up happening.

I’m also planning on streaming primarily on YouTube, simply because I can schedule my streams there in a way that’d allow subscribers to see them coming up in advance. If I can figure out how to dual-stream to both YouTube and Twitch, though, I might do that. Hopefully you’ll look forward to my streams when (or if) they start happening.


Now, about that Sokoban clone... For some reason, I’ve been finding myself extremely motivated to work on it, to the point where I would get out of bed and have breakfast as early as possible just to maximize the amount of time I get to chip away at it before needing to get ready for work. In a way, it’s actually become kind of an addiction — at least for the first few days; it’s kinda tapered off to normal levels again by now.

Progress has been pretty rapid so far, too. After all, it’s just a matter of rewriting the same code (or rather refactoring it, now that I have those extra seven years of experience and I get to make use of features GMS2 has that GMS1 didn’t at the time). The startup sequence, menus, and core gameplay loop are all done, and I’ve even implemented a setting for switching to a double-res set of graphics (even if I’d say that the blocky, lower-res graphics still have a certain charm to them).

Something else I’ve implemented, which I’ve been hinting at in the third of these update logs way back in 2021, is a training mode of sorts. You get infinite attempts and the ability to undo your moves (each undo rewinds to just before you started pushing the last crate you touched, though there’s no limit to how far you can rewind), but your records won’t get saved. However, you’d still be able to unlock new levels in this mode.

And, of course, the aforementioned autoplay feature has been implemented, too. The hardest part about it was the solutions themselves, actually. I grabbed step-by-step solutions from an FAQ for the SG-1000 version, but roughly a dozen of those didn’t work for various reasons: either I made mistakes when copying the levels (and, much to my dismay, all of those mistakes are present in the current v0.50 release of the game, meaning the SG Pack is literally impossible to complete as there’s one level where there are more crates than dots), or the FAQ itself inadvertently provided simplified versions of the levels. I ended up having to download JSoko in order to help me work out solutions for the latter, and its auto-solver wasn’t even all that useful, since in most cases it would simply get stuck forever. Because of that, I had to solve most of the levels myself, looking at the solutions for the incorrect levels from the FAQ step by step, and deviating from there where I needed to in order to account for the actual levels’ more constricted designs.

But at the end of the day, it’s all working now, and the broken levels on my end are all fixed, too. As a matter of fact, letting the autoplay solve all 100 levels back-to-back would take well over six hours. I’d say that’s plenty of time for productivity stream footage.

There isn’t too much stuff left to do, either. The biggest fish are the in-game editors, of course. The rest is fullscreen support, storing records for least steps and pushes on a per-level basis, better input handling (as well as some QoL changes for the menuing), bilinguality, secret levels, secret win animations, and some other stuff I can’t think off the top of my head yet but will probably stumble upon as I do the other things.


And that... might’ve been one of the biggest updates in a while, actually. I know I didn’t say anything about the website relaunch or the album, but that’s because the Sokoban clone has been where all my resources are being put into right now. I want to get it finished up so I can use it for productivity stream footage, and then I can use said productivity streams to work on those other two things (and other stuff later down the line).

Until then, stay warm (or cool, depending on where you live), and you’ll hopefully be hearing from me again one more time before the end of the year.


...Oh, by the way, I meant to mention this a lot sooner, but I’m on Bluesky now. Here’s my profile if you want to give me a follow!

General Update Log No. 14

投稿日付:

I promise, I wanted to get one of these out last month to keep with the once-a-month schedule I’d set for myself, but then I just... didn’t find the time for it. Granted, it’s not like a lot happened in September, anyway.

But anyway, hope everyone’s been well. Summer has finally ended, at least this side of the equator. And with this month came and went my birthday, too – I’m 28 years old now. Not getting any younger, so it’s all the more important that I make as much as possible out of what time I have left.

...And, fittingly enough, I actually have the rest of the month off from work, starting from my birthday last Saturday, so I figured, hey, might as well use all that free time in a productive manner. So with this month’s log, I’d like to update you not just on what I did, but primarily on what I’m planning to do.


First talking point would be that new album I’ve mentioned before at at least one point in the past. So far there’s still only four tracks done, and I haven’t written anything else in months. A lot of that is due to what I can only describe as crippling anxiety at the thought of composing anything. In particular, it’s instrumentation that tends to cause me the most grief, since I often struggle to find good instruments to use, and it quickly discourages me from continuing to try.

I think I may need to do a better job of planning the complete instrumentation for a song in advance. After all, my own discography already provides me with plenty of references for what does and doesn’t work, not to mention what’s my signature style. I just need to get over that mental blockade, and there’s no two ways around just chipping away at it bit by bit. If all goes well, I might have a new song done for the album by the end of the month, as well as the momentum to do at least half an hour of music stuff every morning before work. A 2023 release obviously isn’t in the cards anymore, but it’s still my biggest active project to date, so the more consistently I can make progress towards it, the better.

Something else I’ve also hinted at in the past was my intention to relaunch this website. And, well, work on that has officially started! I’m currently in the process of rewriting everything from scratch to revolve around object-oriented PHP, applying the knowledge I’ve gained from my job. The goal here is to modularize the code, splitting it off into smaller chunks to make things easier to expand and maintain. This means PHP classes for everything, which also meant having to write a class autoloader. That one wasn’t too much trouble, but the ever-evolving nature of my code’s directory structure means having to constantly redefine namespaces, which is kind of a pain.

And finally, there’s my gaming backlog. Surprisingly, despite having bought the game on day one, I still haven’t actually beaten Tears of the Kingdom yet. Not that I’m not close – in fact, all that’s left to do in the main story is beat the final boss – but I’ve been trying to at least do all the shrines and sidequests before putting an end to things.

Other games I’m currently playing through are Ecco the Dolphin on the Mega Drive, and Aztec Adventure on the Master System. The former has passwords for me to save my progress with, but the latter is a single-session slog taking upwards of an hour to play through fully, and while I have reached the final stage once by now, it’ll take at least a few more attempts to learn and get through it.

Incidentally, I have a Trello board to keep track of my backlog with, but as of writing this, there are no less than 34 unbeaten games on it (not all in progress, though), so... honestly, putting any significant dent into it would be a full-time job unto itself. Doesn’t help that I prefer to do my Mega Drive and Master System gaming on console, rather than emulator (if I can help it), and the consoles are hooked up to the living room TV, meaning I can only play them while my mom’s asleep or at work, since she’s occupying the TV all day otherwise.


You may also notice that anything involving drawing is conspicuously missing from this list... but, to be fair, I feel like I already have my hands full with just about everything else. As much as I’d love to get back into drawing again, there are other things I need to get on top of first, and organizing myself is never without extreme amounts of effort and vigilance.

But I think that’s also the extent of what’s worth talking about this month. Here’s hoping to another update a month from now, preferably with good news about having been able to make some good habits stick again.

General Update Log No. 13

投稿日付:

Work has been getting a lot more doable, too. I find myself able to stay for longer hours and get more done with less breaks necessary, although how long I actually stay still depends on what tasks I have queued up, as well as just my mental state that day in general. I've had to leave early on at least a few days because I just couldn't concentrate, for instance. Overall, though, my work tolerance is definitely on the increase, and recently I found myself thinking that I genuinely love my job and that I really wouldn't wanna be doing anything else. Hell, today my boss even pulled me out of a meeting just to praise me for how well I’ve been doing. Mind you, I’ve only been at this job for two months and I’m still in training.

Of course, more hours worked also means less time to myself at home, especially since I refuse to compromise on my 8 hours of sleep minimum for what are hopefully obvious reasons. As such, I've come to the realization that I need to do more to make my mornings count.

First of all: Productivity. It goes without saying that I don't have the time to complete three tasks a day like I used to have, but that doesn't mean I can't at least do one, so I've set that as a goal for myself. I can still use Saturdays and Sundays to get more tasks done, after all – assuming I have the energy after a tiring work week.

Secondly: Fitness. While I've yet to find the time for complete workouts again, I've at least begun to do a few pushups every day. It started off as just 5, in order to wake myself up, but by now I'm pushing myself to do 15 in a row and looking to increase that number further as the reps get easier.

And third: Commute. The time I spend sitting in a bus can definitely be put to good use, too, such as by drafting up blog posts like this one. Using this time productively will be especially important a few months from now, since work is planning on moving its base of operations to a more remote part of the city, practically doubling my commute time as a result. It'll feel like much less of a time loss if I can make the most of it.

That said, if all else fails, I can look forward to a new work laptop sometime in hopefully the next few weeks, which would enable me to work from home if need be. Not that that's necessarily something I'd want to make a habit out of, given that I feel like the office environment is definitely doing its part to boost my productivity.


In other news, the 19th mainline Touhou game came out earlier this month, and I managed to get a Lunatic 1cc in it after just a few days. Given the brokenness of Reimu, I was also trying to shoot for LNN for a while, but decided to put that on hold for now because it was starting to stress me out. Maybe if I come back to it after a few months...

I'm also noticing that these update logs are starting to be less about my creative stuff and more about how I'm doing at work. Granted, I've been having fairly little time and motivation to pursue the former these days, thanks to the latter, so I'm afraid this is just how it's gonna be for the foreseeable future. However, given my lack of activity on Twitter, that still makes these posts my most significant and comprehensive sign of life, and it's not that I don't want to find the time to write music again... especially since I still have a whole album that hasn't seen any progress in forever.

We'll just have to wait and see what the future brings, I suppose...

General Update Log No. 12

投稿日付:

So, as I mentioned in my previous update log, I’ve started my apprenticeship this month. Four weeks under my belt already, going into the fifth, and I’m only slowly getting used to the fact that working five days a week doesn’t leave you with a whole lot of time for other things. As exhausting as it is, though, I’d say it’s going quite well. My coworkers have had nothing but praise for me so far with how quickly and efficiently I’ve been getting my tasks done (once I have a clear idea of what needs to actually be done, anyway, and figuring that out tends to be the lion’s share of the work already).

That said, I was still off to a pretty rough start. 40 hours a week right out the gate isn’t something I was able to accustom myself to at all, and it kind of culminated in a mental breakdown towards the end of week 2. The week after, I had a talk with HR and they reduced my hours to 30 a week, but I intend to slowly work my way up towards a full 40 again over the next few months while I work out my work-life balance.

One step towards said balance happened to be a change in my sleep schedule, with me now waking up at 5am instead of 6am like I used to. The reasoning being that, after work, I’ll usually be too exhausted to want to do much of anything, so that time is kind of wasted, anyway. Better to have it early in the day where I could potentially put it to use for creative endeavors, once I’ve got a tight and consistent morning routine going again.

And on the topic of creativity... yeah, you can probably guess that I haven’t gotten much of anything done this month. Work leaving me with too little time or energy isn’t even the only reason, either — I’m actually once again finding myself with crippling anxiety at the very thought of working on music, and I’ve yet to break through that again. It’s not like there’s any such thing as an elaborate strategy to magically melt it away, either. It’s just gonna be a slow process of chipping away at it bit by bit until I’m back in the groove again.

As for drawing, honestly no dice there, either. Again, my motivation’s been kind of nonexistent for the past several weeks, although YouTube’s algorithm has ended up showing me some art YouTuber content that’s kind of made me wanna try my hand at it again. Maybe if I find the time and the weather’s good enough, I’ll go outside with a sketchpad and a pencil and do some life and nature sketches, seeing as most of what I’ve been doing this year so far was cold hard practice and study.

I may also consider refactoring my website again. Turns out that working with websites for a living gives you a lot of insight into best practices for all sorts of approaches, and I’d definitely like to make my own code cleaner and easier to maintain at some point. That’s a low priority compared to art and music, though.

And... that’s pretty much it already, actually. Apologies for the rather anemic update, but I suppose it’s to be expected that not much would happen this month. Well, lack of noteworthy updates plus having a sudden crunch period thrust upon me right after my lunch break, which you can imagine sapped me of just about all my energy reserves for the day. I almost didn’t think I’d even get this done before August.

色々な更新の記録、其の拾壱

投稿日付:

正直、Wordpressから離れて自分のブログを作る気がなかったら、これを書いたのは早かったでしょう。でもこんなに時間を経たせたせいで一月から色々でいいものが起こりました。

去年の年末、僕の行動が起こらせた非常に壊滅的なことがあってしまって、早く気づいたらよかった何かに気づきました。それは、自分自身や自分の人生の不幸は、脳からのメッセージ。何が不満かしっかりと考えて、哀れや学習性無力感に浸らずに、ちゃんとした対策を講じなさい、と。

それを理解して事を成さしめるこつを摑んでから、人生が非常に改善されてきた気がして、絶対出来ないと思ったことさえも出来るようにになったのです。現代、精神衛生は2018年(ひょっとしたら2002年まで)以降で最高だと感じます。やはり、何でも出来る感覚は精神に大助かりですね。

新たな精神的力を手に入れた僕は何が出来ましたかと? まずは、生産力の助けと邪魔を探るために日記を書いて、ついにいい作戦を練りました。3~5点の項目のある毎日のタスクリストに加えて、重点リストみたいなやつもあることにしました。その二つ目は、中長期や長期のタスクを記したり、「締切あり」「締切なし」のカテゴリに分けたり、ゴールや、問題や、次に何をしようかなどをメモしたりします。タスクを完成させてから、リスト底にある「完成」という部分へ動かして、完成させた日付を付けます。完成したタスクの数がだんだん増えるのを見ていい感じになるんですよ。

その重点主義で、人生さえも大一歩進めました! もう一度エントリーシートを出し始めて、二年近く無職だった僕がようやく職業訓練にありつけました! ウェブプログラミング代行機関で三年間働きますが、訓練の後で社員になる可能性は低くなく、訓練生でも賃金もかなりだと思います。仕事の開始は来月、7月3日です。上手くいきますように!


でも他の創作活動についても少し話しましょうか。例えば、アルバムの進捗率は三割弱です。すでに完成した曲が嫌いじゃないですが、現在よりももっと進捗していたいと思っています。バーンアウトも失敗恐怖症もいつでも足手まといになってしまって、来月の週40時間労働も加えたら、今年以内の公開は出来なくなるみたいと思っています。作曲のワークフローがもっと首尾一貫したら話は別なんですが。人生の問題を解けたことがかなりありますから、きっとこれも解けると思います。

また、一月にジェスチャードローイングすることで絵描きを再開しようとする話も覚えていらっしゃるでしょうか。あれから、身体の一部分ずつ、人体解剖学をだんだん学んで腕を磨いてきていると思います。まだ上手さから遠いですが、幸運なことに、モチベーションを維持する方法を知っていて細部まで非常に鋭い目を持ついい指導者に巡り合えました。今年も新イラスト出来るかどうか見てみましょう。

皆様の中に、僕はもう一度外国語を勉強したくなったことに気づいたお方もいらっしゃいるでしょう。例えば去年の九月にスペイン語の勉強を始めて、もちろんまだまだですが、会話が出来る程度まで届けたと思います。ロマンス諸語の何ヶ国語を勉強したいことにもなりました。現在フランス語とポルトガル語を勉強しています。とはいえ、スペイン語の腕はもっと磨きたいし、日本語もここ数年停滞している感じがあるのでその壁も突破したいですね。そしてそれから? さあな。スウェーデン語やフィンランド語の勉強を再開したり、真新しい言語を勉強し始めたりするかな。とにかくポリグロットの夢は続いています。

それ以外の企画なら・・・夢界Project第二弾の開発は、まだ中断みたいです。画力は足りなく、作曲はアルバムしか暇がなく、材料がなければ開発の意味はないんですね。でも、遠い将来にいつかやってみたいことがあるんですよ。

子供の頃、RPGツクールをよく使っていました。RPGツクールVXの30日間の使用期間以内にクソゲーを完成させたし、それと中途半端で中止した何十のゲーム以外に、真面目に企画した一つのゲームがありました。もちろん、それも完成させなかったですが、時が流れてもストーリーが忘れられなく、いつか復活でリメイクしたいところです。それにGame MakerでRPGの製作を挑んでみたいという思いもあったんです。


さて、これで今年の前半の出来事は以上でしょう。更新の記録を隔週に書いたかったときがあったと覚えていますね・・・二週間以内に出来ることは記事にきっと足りないと思っても、定期的にそんな風の記事を書くことが悪くないでしょう。隔週じゃなくて、毎月の月末に向けてしましょうか?

それでは、ご応援もご支援もどうもありがとうございます。次に音沙汰までにあまりにも時間が掛からなかったらいい。お気を付けて、水を飲んで、今季の温度のためにアイスクリームでも買っておきましょう!

新ブログのハローワールド

投稿日付:

これを書く時、2023年6月16日、12時48分です。半月以上かかったが、ついに作業を紹介出来ます。これが、逆向ロード現作団の新ブログです。コードは僕自身が全部書いて、出来たのに凄く誇っています。

皆様はきっと気になっていますね。「そもそもどうして新ブログを必要でしたか? Wordpressのブログは十分じゃなかったですか?」とか。

それは・・・ある時にそうでしたが、使えば使うほど、特徴などの限定を見えるようになってきました。お金を払って限定を外す可能性が確かにありましたが、一年間にブログを更新する回数はそうする正当化するために少なすぎると思います。だから、僕の想像や望みの通りのブログのフレームワークをゼロから作った方がましだと決めました。

メイン特徴は、各記事に何ヶ国語が含まれていることだと思います。各翻訳に別の記事を書く必要は面倒臭くて、もうそれをしたくないようになったのです。今の状況では、サイトの言語を変えると、全記事の言語も変わってきますよ!(記事は英語以外の言語が持っている限り)

しかし、実は、旧ブログの持っていない特徴は、それとライト・ダークモードしかまだないのです。どうせ制作途中で、だんだん追加してきたいと思います。プログラミング練習にも凄く役立ちますし。十年前、そこまでのサイトをPHPで作ることになってしまうのを絶対に思わなかったでしょう。

それで、旧ブログを消すつもりかと考えているでしょう。旧ブログの記事を全部ここまで運ぶかどうか考えたことが一応ありましたが、アーカイブのために結局そのままにしておこうと決めたのですから、消す訳がありません。むしろメニューで旧ブログにアクセス出来るようにしたからどうぞ気軽にお訪ねください。

それを読んで頂いた皆様は、是非ご感想を教えてください! ブログを作るのはもちろん初めてですからフィードバックをお楽しみにしています。

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